18 November 2008

Queensland touched by his creamy goodness!

Gather round, ye faithful, for another sign has been revealed unto us.

Yes, in sunny Brisbane, on the eve of those terrible storms, the Flying Spaghetti Monster revealed the touch of his noodly self to a member of our flock. (Don't ask, brothers and sisters, why there were storms - it's too late to bring logic into this thing.)

Of course the members of the devout Pastafarian commuity don't need so-called 'evidence' to buttress our faith, but we will gladly accept signs of his creamy goodness when he chooses to reveal a noodly appendage.

But back to our visitation. Today we can reveal for the strengthening of your faith, proof that the FSM truly does move among us.

We approach with trepidation (and perhaps a side order of bruschetta)...

And we fall to our knees (taking care not to spill our drinks)...

A moment's reflection, if you will.

Now here at Durum Cathedral, we have been pondering what this revelation may mean. Why in the Sunshine State? Why the day before the rain? What means the number '618'? (Perhaps controversially, is 618 in fact the Number of the Roast?)

As members of our greater theological community, we ask you to suggest possible interpretations. Bring your ideas forth.


Labels: , , , , , ,

02 May 2008

Beautiful one day, perrrr-fect the next

Queensland Pastafarians were this week struck by the chilling discussion of laws criminalising piracy.

This fearful subject entered polite conversation with the announcement that the Queensland Government planned to amend laws condemning our piratical brethren to life in prison.

Now arguably life in prison is better than being hanged from the accursed yard arm, but any talk of the law rounding on a ship of true pirates is sure to send the blood coursing.

However the hands were tightening prematurely on the cutlasses, for the government was actually announcing it planned to remove certain references to piracy and duelling from the statute books.

In a blow for religious freedom, the Queensland Government yesterday introduced in parliament amendments to Chapter 11 of the Criminal Code, governing piracy.

Lest there be a mighty backlash from the Navy, the government portrayed these changes as 'modernising' the laws, for example by removing references to 'British subjects' and 'Her Majesty's enemies' (although admittedly, these two groups are often one and the same).

This means our community north of the border may soon be safer from prosecution, for piracy if not for other offences.

Harrrrd labour
Up until now, these laws must surely have had the effect of suppressing the growth of our flavoursome faith.

Who can say how many Pastafarians north of the border stayed below decks, reluctant to don the sacred piratical regalia and venture out in public to teach the creamy goodness of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

Surely it is only the visibility of our gatherings that has prevented our entire congregation from being quietly arrested for our efforts on Talk Like a Pirate Day?

For the fact remains that, notwithstanding this week's discussion, these discriminatory laws are still in place -- criminalising many aspects of the pirate life, and even 'aiding pirates', something our nearest and dearest often do.

At present anyone who "conspires or corresponds with a pirate; is also deemed to be a pirate". (If you are in Queensland, leave a comment here at your peril.)

Anyone who "brings a seducing message from a pirate... is guilty of a crime".

Now if that doesn't sound like a description of a Pastafarian in full pirate regalia holding forth on the beauty of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, well, curse me timbers, I don't know what does.

(And I leave you to speculate on what that most cruel law means for seductive messages sent between Pirates and Lady Pirates in the privacy of their own cabins.)

Even worse, anyone who tries to convince a captain or sailor that they should become a Pastafarian, dress in pirate regalia and teach the noodly origin of the universe, is guilty of a crime.

That is, anyone who "consults or conspires with, or attempts to corrupt, any master or officer of a ship or any sailor, with intent that the person should run away with or yield up any ship, goods, or merchandise, or turn pirate, or go over to pirates".

Anyone convicted of these 'heinous' offences still faces a sentence of life in prison.

Oh glorious day?
If these amendments are passed, these references will be removed from the new chapter of the criminal code dealing with piracy.

Piracy on board a ship will still be a crime, but Queenslanders will no longer be persecuted for the simple fact of being a pirate, or carrying a pirate's 'seductive messages' or helping them out.

At Durum Cathedral, we are beseeching the Flying Spaghetti Monster to reach His noodly appendages down and nudge all members of Queensland parliament to vote in favour of the changes.

Until that glorious day, we are keeping our eye patches and spotted scarves discreetly at home.

Besides, doesn't every religion like to dress up and do strange things behind closed doors?

[Photo of Mission Beach, courtesy of Tourism Queensland. Start digging, me hearties!]

Labels: , , , ,

28 August 2007

Noodly invitation to Prime Minister John Howard

Regular followers of the Church of the FSM Australia know we take a deep and abiding interest in the place of religion in public life.

Building on our tireless efforts to promote the contribution of Pastafarianism to the Australian community, and following recent precedents, we have requested a meeting with our Prime Minister John Howard through the contact page of his official website. We also took the opportunity to suggest a humble addition to Australia's new citizenship test.

Here is our letter of request. We will keep you informed of the response from his office.


Subject: Request for meeting, citizenship suggestion

Dear Prime Minister
Greetings from the Australian Pastafarian community.

Your support for spiritual values in Australia is well known, as is your belief that religion forms a valuable base for our country's stability and future prosperity, not to mention the health and optimism of our youth.

We agree with you heartily, and to this end we are working to bring the blessings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to the people of this fine and noodly land. We proudly don our pirate costumes and say a mighty 'harrrr' to the brigands who founded this outpost of European seafaring adventures.

On behalf of the Australian Pastafarian community, my colleague Al Dente and I wish to request a meeting with you. Nothing political, we stress, and nothing to excite the interest of electoral authorities. Just a brief gathering to let you know you are much in our thoughts and - as the leader of our country - we wish you all the blessings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. At this stage in the electoral cycle, you may be grateful for the blessings of every deity you can muster.

If it would suit you better, we could host you at Durum Cathedral. We would be pleased to show you our plans for a Pastafarian Mental Health Facility, which may be a candidate for Commonwealth funding (following the appropriate guidelines for Commonwealth intervention, of course).

Naturally as the guest of the best-fed faith in Australia, you would not be disappointed by Pastafarian hospitality.

We understand you have recently met with other elect vessels from small but seemingly influential faith groups. We can assure you that we too are elect, if not elected, and as vessels we too are surely full of it.

Finally, on a related matter, we would humbly ask if you would consider adding an additional question to the new Australian Citizenship Test. As Minister Andrews so sagely noted: "Modern citizenship also rests on ... enduring attachment to what Australians hold in common." So we propose asking budding new citizens: What is Australia's national dish?

While we recognise it would be divisive to establish any one faith as a national religion, it would also be ignoring the truth of Australian cuisine not to ask new migrants to our shores what is considered our national dish when we break bread together. Our national dish has been acknowledged in many a survey of these matters.

The answer: Spaghetti Bolognese.

As Pastafarians, we are greatly pleased at another sign the FSM has blessed our nation with the touch of his noodly appendages.

We await your reply to our humble petitions, at your earliest convenience.

Yours in a creamy sauce

Pastor Len Guini


Contact Your Prime Minister

Thank you for your message to the Prime Minister.

Your message was successfully submitted.

If you entered a valid email address, you will receive an email within 24 hours of your message which will include a copy of your comments for your records. If you do not receive this email, this may mean there is a problem with the email address you provided.

If you have supplied a postal address, a reply may be sent to you via Australia Post. Your message may also be forwarded to other Federal Ministers for their consideration.

Labels: , ,

15 May 2007

Pirates at school - 're-imagine' that

At last the science teachers of this country are waking up!

They have finally realised the old ways of teaching science are "failing to excite the interest" of contemporary school students.

The Australian Council for Educational Research (ACER) today admitted the "failure of school science to respond to the changing needs of students and the changing nature of science itself has created a crisis in Australian science education that shows no sign of abating".

Harr, them's fightin' words. But there's more, you motley bunch.

In its media release, the ACER says a new review by Deakin University Professor of Science Education Russell Tytler is calling for major reform of the science curriculum, arguing "the time has passed for tinkering around the edges of a science curriculum that belongs to the past".

It says the review wants to see a 're-imagined' science education that focuses on "engaging all young people in science".

"We see clear evidence that the curriculum and classroom practice are failing to excite the interest of many, if not most, young people at a time when science is a driving force behind so many developments and issues in contemporary society," Professor Tytler writes.

Hear hear. At the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, we couldn't agree more.

Modern science teaching is clearly missing the point.

Where are the teachers dressed as pirates?

Where are the classroom projects finding the mountains of evidence of His Noodly role in creating the earth -- starting, in fact, with the mountains themselves?

And above all, where is the research into the true causes of global warming? (And you'll walk the plank afore noon if you pretend you don't know, sonny.)

We welcome the opportunity for major reform, and we're strapping our cutlasses on as we speak (subject to a health and safety audit before we enter the school grounds). Pastafarians across Australia stand ready to enrich the teaching of science, and perhaps to add a touch of touch of salt to the water.

The good Professor says "school science is too heavily skewed towards the abstract conceptual canon of science". Absolutely. We stand by to haul our own very real canon aboard and start blasting away.
For a start, down with shorts and long socks! (You know who you are.) Down with the periodic table. (Surely the occasional table does the job well enough.) Down with an empirical approach that struggles to explain the world without recourse to the FSM.

And I ask you: what is more exciting or interesting than the life of a pirate?

Did someone say marinara?


11 March 2007

Is it the size of the prize that counts?

RAmen fellow followers of the Noodly One

Pastor Len's theological foray has tested my faith in no uncertain terms. I have been reflecting, with the aid of a nice drop of chianti, on what could account for the continuing rise in global temparatures while at the same time more and more people are becoming pirates.

One suggestion I'd like to make, is that pirating one piddly TV show might give you a slight piratical air, but it is too small an effort to really make an impact on the climate of an entire planet. No, what you need to do to truly earn your jollies Roger, is to take every pirate's favourite bit o booty - a ship.

Alas, as it is sad to learn that the Brethren of the Coast are slacking off across the globe. Only 239 ships attacked n 2006, compared to 329 in 2004 - the prospects for the planet look bleak. The only thing we can perhaps hope for is a grand nautical feedback loop, without resorting too far towards rationality (yarr, what's the point of having a religion if you have to use that?):

Less pirates = increased global warming

Increased global warming = higher sea levels

More sea = more pirates?

More pirates = cooler planet

We could be heading back to the glory days of the 17th Century me hearties, at this rate we'll all be in boats in a few years, and them of us that have studied the arts of piracy will be able to do our bit to bring on the next ice age.

Also any other pirates out there can relax for yet another reason - at least Bill Gates has stopped trying to ruin all your fun as well.

RAmen and pass the grissini.

Labels: , , , ,

07 March 2007

Pirate theology: Join the discussion

As you know, much of my day is divided between pastoral care among the ever-growing congreg-ation of Australian Pastafarians -- and theological reflection.

And make no mistake: there are some pressing theological questions we face, particularly for such a young (and flavoursome) faith.

Is dried pasta of equal spiritual worth as fresh pasta? What does the Flying Spaghetti Monster really think of gnocchi? And what are we to make of the gluten intolerant in our midst?

But these past weeks I have been much perplexed, and I am turning to you, the Australian Pastafarian community, for some suggestions.

As you know, we have irrefutable evidence that the decline in pirate numbers since the 1800s is to blame for global climate change. (You nay-sayers -- and inconceivably there are still some left -- can find all the evidence you need here.) Seen from this perspective, it becomes a sacred duty for Pastafarians to dress up as pirrrates, spreading the word about the FSM and saving the planet at the one time.

But, theologically speaking, this is a more complex issue than it appears, and I have been studying it closely.

Last month the venerable Sydney Morning Herald published a headline that made my heart jump (a sentence I would not often write). It read: "TV program delays 'turning viewers into pirates'."

It seemed the problem of global warming was solved! Television networks were delaying the broadcast of programs already seen overseas, forcing Australians to download them illegally from the Internet.

Technology lawyer and researcher Alex Malik said these "huge delays" were "turning Australians into pirates".

Could it really be true that we were becoming a nation of pirates? Could the FSM be nudging TV stations in this direction, all for the good of the planet? Was this the first good thing a commercial television station had ever done?

But here is the question I think we need to discuss fully among our creamy congregation: Can software pirates really be considered 'pirates', as we know them in the tenets of the Pastafarian faith?

Or are they perhaps a lesser group of pirates, having a small but still positive impact on global temperatures?

Or -- and I have not discounted this possibility altogether -- are they not 'true' pirates at all?

Please leave a comment and tell us what you think.

In the meantime, have no fear sisters and brothers, I continue to dress in full, traditional pirate garb. And you won't find me looking for The O.C. on the Internet. Harrrr that be neverrr the case.


Labels: , , ,

21 January 2007

A happy Noodly New Year

Welcome to 2007, one and all. Whether you be one of the growing multitude of Australian Pastafarians, or whether you be feeling the first stirrings of His Noodly Appendages, this year promises Great Things.

2006 was a landmark year for the Australian Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. To name but a few blessings from the FSM, we:

In the wider world, we saw more evidence of the consequences of an alarming drop in pirate numbers, as global warming brought cyclones, bushfires and drought to our land.

2007 will surely be even bigger. Over the holidays we have been hard at work at Durum Cathedral, planning the year's activities. This year we will see a growing body of evidence for the FSM, which will surely make the science community reconsider its irrational faith in facts and skeptical inquiry.

Perhaps then we can take our rightful place on the curriculum and in the classroom, dressed as pirates and proclaiming: "Harrr class, now listen up ye scurvy dogs. I be yerrr teacher ferrr today."

24 November 2006

Exclusive Pastafarian Sect Targets Lunch

A group of strictly separatist Pastafarians is believed to be behind the recent spate of olive-oil insertions into pots of boiling water around Australia. A shadowy group of "exclusive Pastafarians" with possible links to the gluten free wing of the US church (the "neo-conchiglies") may have been attempting to influence the consistency of pasta in Australian homes.

The National Party is believed also denied all links with these activities, but the timing of these rumours coming so close to the release of the Cole report into other wheat based acts of international scandal cannot be coincidental.

29 October 2006

Congratulations - Chaplains in schools

From: Pastor Len Guini, FSM Australia
To: julie.bishop@dest.gov.au
Cc: schoolchaplaincy@dest.gov.au
Date: Oct 29, 2006 5:59 PM
Subject: Congratulations - Chaplains in schools

Attn. Hon. Julie Bishop MP
Minister for Education, Science and Training

Dear Minister Bishop
Congratulations on today's announcement of the Chaplains in Schools program and, in particular, the government's commitment of $90 million over three years to fund further exploration of religious values in our schools.

On behalf of Australia's Pastafarian community, I welcome the Prime Minister's assurance that the program will include funding chaplains to undertake work including "assisting students in exploring their spirituality; (and) providing guidance on religious, values and ethical matters".

We in no way seek to make light of the many serious issues faced by our young people. We seek only to congratulate you on your commitment and resolve in devoting taxpayer's money to the active promotion of religion in schools, government and non-government alike.

As you may be aware, Pastafarians believe the world was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. While in the past year we have seen enormous growth in the number of Australians professing our faith, and greater interest yet in our beliefs and Holy writings, we continue to face a gap in awareness about our faith among the general community.

In particular, we are saddened that increasing numbers of school students are being taught about the Christian God in their science classrooms, but they have yet to be taught about the other main explanation for the creation of the universe: the intervention of the FSM, and the beneficient nudges of His Noodly Appendages.

Perhaps the placement of government-funded Pastafarian chaplains in schools may go some way towards rectifying this gap in their knowledge. I would be only too pleased to answer the call, and I'm sure Pastor Al Dente would be with me on this point, if the FSM should nudge us gently in this direction.

Given the regrettable but continuing discrimination faced by the Pastafarian community in this country, it is my hope that, in the event that a school community applies for funding for appointment of an FSM chaplain, your new Reference Group and officers of your Department will not attempt to prevent the appointment. After all, as the Prime Minister noted, the "choice of chaplaincy services, including the religious affiliation and denomination, is entirely a decision for the school community".

When it comes to our schools, and indeed the Australian community as a whole, we humbly pledge to put the 'pasta' back into 'pastoral care'.

Yours most sincerely
Pastor Len Guini

Durum Cathedral
Church of the FSM

20 October 2006

ABC bias and media ownership

Yarrrr to all ye Pastafarians out there. Pastor Len's gratuitous advice to the ABC has never been so well timed. Surely a crew of Pastafarians such as ourselves could also use long buried chest of treasure and spend a few doubloons buying into a media company or two? What could be better than coming back after a hard morning's plundering to read the Sydney Morning Lasagne? Or collapsing in yer cabin and turning on the telly to watch Channel Pieces of Eight, where all those tiresome anti-bias rules won't need to apply?

So come on me hearties, X marks the spot, start digging!


20 ways the ABC can end its bias

Wow, Pastor Al has really been eating his spaghetti shapes this week, with his eminently sensible recommendations for the ABC and the National Curriculum (we'll turn Minister Julie Bishop into a Pastor yet...)

Pastor Al got me thinking, with his fine suggestions about redressing the ABC's insidious bias against FSM and Pastafarians. (I'm thinking Penne in Pyjamas might just work: those stripy pyjamas are a perfect fit for the little stripy ridges down your average penne pasta.)

But, as I said, he got me thinking that Pastafarianism is a positive faith. (I for one am positive that it's true.) Yes, we like a whinge, and we'll be watching closely for bias under the new guidelines. In our hearts, though, we want to work with the ABC to address this unsustainable prejudice, this blind spot, this bias that is robbing the Australian people of his Noodly goodness.

In addition to interviewing Pastor Al, or finding him a spot on Hornblower, I have prepared 20 suggestions for how the ABC can begin to address this glaring gap in its coverage.

1. Devote a series of one of the endless array of cooking shows to pasta.

2. Whenever global warming is discussed (Catalyst, 7.30 Report, documentaries, 4 Corners, evening news, etc.) interview a Pastafarian for an alternative view about the cause of the rise in atmospheric temperatures.

3. Require science program Catalyst to address its shameful silence on the vital area of research into causes of, and cures for, gluten intolerance.

4. Film the lesbian mothers on Play School taking the kids to the Nanda factory.

5. On Radio National, require Philip Adams to show equal disbelief in our beliefs whenever he is professing disbelief in Christian principles.

6. Screen a worthy literary biography of Robert Louis Stevenson. (Sunday evening please, not the empty wasteland of Sunday afternoon).

7. Screen a worthy history documentary about a search for "the real" Treasure Island (and don't skimp on the hammy re-enactments, gee-whiz computer graphics, interviews with assorted twitching academics, etc.)

8. Encourage the comedians on The Glass House to make repetitive and sexually risqué jokes about pasta and the FSM.

9. Use every opportunity for the ABC's rural programs to profile the wheat farmers who are so essential to the spiritual health of Australian Pastafarians.

10. Ask Anthony Green to produce a natty little computer graphic for election night illustrating the impact of Pastafarianism on the vote for the major and minor parties.

11. Set up a national vote for "My favourite pasta" (with website, postcards, etc.) The national special could be hosted by Alan Saunders, Radio National's resident epicurean. (Did someone say food?)

12. Lobby the BBC to produce a radio/TV program about the FSM (a sure-fire way to get something broadcast on the ABC).

13. Give equal time to FSM whenever educational program Behind the News does a story on religion, science or pirates.

14. Devote Jennifer Byrne's national book group program to The Gospel of the FSM.

15. Organise for all local ABC radio stations to interview Pastafarians in their area.

16. Suggest Radio National's high-minded programs about language produce a series promoting pirate talk ("welcome to Lingua Franca-harrrr").

17. Send foreign correspondents to Italy to report on the villages where pasta is made by hand.

18. Run a series of classic spaghetti western movies on ABC 2 digital.

19. Encourage ABC journalists to ask the Australian Bureau of Statistics why there wasn't a "Pastafarian" box to tick on the 2006 Census form (more repression, my friends).

20. Bring Jonathon Saffran back to the network that discovered him. (Pastafarianism is the only living faith to which he has not converted, or subjected to his post-ironic witticisms. Egregious discrimination or oversight? I have my theories.)


17 October 2006

We call on the ABC to end anti-FSM Bias

When was the last time you heard the FSM discussed on Compass? And for that matter, coverage of Pastafarianism on Bananas in Pyjamas has been practically non-existent. Why not Canelloni in Pyjamas? Is the ABC giving Pastafarians a fair go?

The answer to this is clearly a resounding "no!". We can only hope that the new anti-bias guidelines to be introduced by the ABC will allow us to remedy this appalling situation, in which we find ourselves shamefully neglected. We do not even have enough coverage to be misrepresented, indeed, how we would love to be misrepresented, at least it would show they care!

The new guidelines will cover "news and current affairs, opinion programs, factual programs and performance pieces" and it can only be a matter of time before this crude and offensive anti-FSM bias is redressed by the ABC.

I am available personally for appearances on any ABC show that chooses to do what is right. Surely there is room on Midsomer Murders for a spot of pasta for lunch - and how can they have produced two series of Hornblower without showing a single pirate? The bias is there friends, we just have to look hard for it, and then whinge as loudly as we can!

RAmen one and all

National Curriculum to Redress The Balance

Pastafarians can take heart from the new national curriculum proposed by Education Minister Julie Bishop. How much easier will it be for us to persuade a national curriculum board of the need for the FSM to be a major feature of high school education across Australia? Ms Bishop's focus on history was disappointing, but we are sure that she will soon find that biology teaching will aslo benefit from a reduction in the current Maoist domination of the curriculum, perhaps she can read her predecessor Dr Nelson's handover notes with regard to that?

We too believe that a return to the 3 Rs can only benefit the young people of Australia - Rigatoni, Risi and Rotini and urge all Pastafarians to join with us in encouraging her to make these momentous changes.

While your doing that you might also want to add some extra demands:

- Change tuck shop menus to feature enhanced carbohydrate options,
- Greater focus on 17th and 18th century Carribean naval history
- A return to shanty singing and hornpipe dancing in music classes

RAmen to all the relatively faithful out there

16 October 2006

Tell us where to find the Gospel

His Noodliness has answered our call. His appendages have been busy, touching the good folk at Harper Collins to bring Bobby Henderson's Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to the wide brown land. (Bless you, Natalie and your colleagues.)

There are those who still doubt the beneficence of the FSM, and whether he approves of our activities here in Australia. I say to the faithful: my brothers and sisters, have faith. I say to the doubters: the evidence, my friends, is mounting.

Like a little parcel of ravioli, the Gospel comes with a comforting exterior containing a delicious and nourishing centre.

Now, your mission. We want to hear about sightings of the Gospel around Australia.

If you see it at your local bookshop, leave a comment after this post. Tell us the name and location of the shop. If it has been amusingly filed under the wrong genre (for example, labelled as 'Humour' rather than 'Religion and spirituality' or 'Science') please tell us that as well.

We will promote those bookshops where Pastafarians, truth-seekers and the curious can find The Gospel of the FSM on the shelves.

RAmen indeed.

04 October 2006

The Gospel lands with a splash

You've been waiting patiently, Pastafarians of Australia, and now it's here.

The eagle-eyed Anonymous has been up in the crow's nest, scanning the horizon with a looking glass, and they've spied a ship-load of books on the horizon! We heard the cry and scrambled up the ratlines to have a look for ourselves, and it's true.

Harper Collins is publishing Bobby Henderson's Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in Australia. See the publisher's page here.

Surely the atheistic ranks of the publishing world have now felt the nudge of His Noodly Appendage.

And thank you Anon. You will surely feel the FSM's blessings pour upon your life, a just reward for your faith and forebearance.


03 October 2006

Pirates land and overrun office!

We issued a call for Australian Pastafarians to celebrate international Talk Like a Pirate Day on 19 September, and shiver me timbers if some of them didn't!

The picture above was sent to us here at Durum Cathedral, showing one workplace taken over by a band of brigands. We have obscured their faces to protect the guilty, and to save you from looking deeply into the eyes of such Fierce Buccaneers.

Even so, you can see they are true pirates by their swords and the flinty lack of mercy they are showing their hapless captives. I can only hope -- for the sake of the poor souls kneeling in the photo -- that there wasn't a plank nearby.

On the positive side, I did detect a notable shift in the temperature on Talk Like a Pirate Day, as we struck a blow against global warming. Armed with a trusty cutlass and faith in the Noodly One, we'll save this planet yet!


18 September 2006

Arrrr you talkin' to me?

Tomorrow, 19 September, is international Talk Like a Pirate Day (TLAP) and Pastafarians around Australia will be donning eye patches and scanning the horizon with tharrrr one good eye. And of course talking like a proud buccaneer.

It follows the great success of the 2006 Census, when Pastafarians the country over stood up and declared their faith (and asked for a little cracked pepper).

For TLAP day, we will show the world that pirates are central to our faith, and selflessly do what we can to save that world from destruction.

Most of you will know that global warming is caused by the alarming decline in the number of pirates in the world over the past few hundred years. (And the weak of faith can find all the evidence they'll need here.)

As former US Vice-President Al Gore said when he was in Australia last week, the threat of global warming is greater than ever -- and we need to take drastic action now if we are to avert disaster.

What ye can do
By all means reduce your energy usage and travel by public transport where you can (preferably by ferry, ye scurvy dogs).

But the other thing we can do is help reverse the decline in pirate numbers, for one day at least. Get out yerrr pirate costume -- and you know you want to -- and shake yerrr cutlass in the face of those melting glaciers. We'll save the world or plunder the oceans trying!

Ye can also join the Pirate Discussion Forum over on the Venganza site. Brother DaveL has called on all Salty Sea Dogs to try their pirate lingo on the rest of the crew.

Yo ho ho and a birthday cake!
And a big jolly "harrrr" to Sister Denise, who celebrates her birthday on TLAP Day itself. An extra pint of rum for you Denise, and give us a hearty cheer when you finish knitting that pirate flag!

Now what greater act of faith is there than to be born on one of the holiest of days in the Pastafarian calendar?

25 July 2006

FSM - You know it makes Census

A special announcement

Two upcoming events in Australia are certain to catapult the Pastafarian faith into the nation's consciousness -- the 2006 Census on 8 August and International Talk Like a Pirate Day on 19 September. And we can feel the growing excitement in the Australian Pastafarian community.

Our very own Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is calling on Australians to feel the touch of His Noodly Appendage -- to stand up and be counted, and perhaps be sprinkled with a little parmesan.

Now this may sound a bit strange if you haven't yet seen His Noodly Face, so perhaps some background is needed. Please read on.

Pastafarians believe the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Throughout history, he has gently intervened with His Noodly Appendage, changing the laws of science and confusing our efforts to explain the world. Now we know the truth, we are determined to teach it -- on the Internet, on the streets, in our schools.

And did you know that NO-ONE has proven that the Flying Spaghetti Monster did NOT create the universe? The evidence is clearly mounting.

If you can feel the water of your faith gently coming to the boil, please see:
-- the official church website at: www.venganza.org/, and
-- the Australian Church of the FSM at: www.noodlynation.blogspot.com.

FSM makes complete Census
The 2006 Census will be conducted on Tuesday 8 August, when every Australian will be counted and asked to record where they live, what they do -- and what they believe.

The Australian Church of the FSM is appealing to all people who share our faith to record their religion as 'Pastafarian' on the Census.

As the Australian Bureau of Statistics notes on their website:

"Church and religious organisations depend on the Census for information about how many people of their religion there are in different parts of Australia. They and others use the information to assess the need for religiously based schools, hospitals, community services and homes for the elderly."

With the phenomenal growth in Pastafarianism in Australia, it is now time for us to stand up for our faith. (We see a need for the Flying Spaghetti Monster Hospital even now...)

Please note that some scoundrels asked Australians to answer their religion as "Jedi" in the 2001 Census. Our call is not such a prank. We are not asking people to record a false and misleading faith such as Jedi, we are asking people to be proud of the truth and call themselves Pastafarian.

Arrrr what a beautiful day
We are also pleased to announce that Tuesday 19 September is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, a holy day for Pastafarians everywhere.

Pastafarians know that the disasters of global warming have been directly caused by the decline in the number of pirates in the world since the 1800s (see the official FSM website for the overwhelming evidence).

This is why we are called to teach our beliefs while wearing full pirate regalia.

So, me hearties, on 19 September it's time to turn back the scurvy dogs of drought and cyclone that plague our fair ship. Hoist the Jolly Roger, brandish your cutlass and stand by to repel boarders. And mateys, for one day at least, Talk Like a Pirate.

Arrrrr, that feels good!


Pastor Len Guini & Pastor Al Dente
Church of the FSM Australia

04 July 2006

Hollywood assault on global warming

Excitement is growing in the Australian Pastafarian community with this week's release of the movie Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Devout Pastafarians - easily recognised by our eye-patches, swords and gratuitous use of "aarrrr" in conversation - know that pirates are central to a rational understanding of the greatest threat to our environment. Or, rather, it is the sad lack of pirates that is to blame for the steady rise in global temperatures.

FSM scholars have documented the fact that global warming and associated calamities of the natural world are a direct result of the decline in the numbers of pirates since the 1800s.

So anything that raises the profile of pirates in the 21st century - indeed, anything that promotes the pirate lifestyle - can only be good for our blighted planet.

In fact, the very existence of such a pirate movie at this critical juncture may be part of His creamy, delicious plan. Consider this: the character of Captain Jack is clearly a disguised reference to His Noodlyness. All those chaotic dreadlocks bear more than a passing resemblance to His Appendages. Bobbing dreadlocks -- squiggly noodles, the one evokes images of the other (albeit with allowance for differences in personal hygeine).

I have two theories as to how this pleasing resonance came about in the movie:
(1) Johnny Depp is a secret acolyte of Pastafarianism, or
(2) The Flying Spaghetti Monster nudged the talented chap to choose dreadlocks for his character, to give us another Sign.

Perhaps the faithful can take this Sign as a topic for Study and Reflection and let us know your thoughts?

I think you will agree only the irrational would argue there is no connection.


27 June 2006

Blessings for Australia's soccer crusaders

Brother DaveL has left a comment with us on this blog, and his remarks deserve wider attention among the faithful in Australia. In particular, he has again been in direct contact with the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Who is "mighty impressed with the feats of the Socceroos in this years' World Cup".

Brother Dave added: "A trusted source snapped this shot of The Great One over Uluru, well into the World Cup festivities."

I trust Brother Axel will not mind us reproducing the image here, in order to strengthen the faith of Pastafarians around Australia. As a small and somewhat uncertain nation, we do like to be noticed...

21 June 2006

Graced with a visit by the noodly one...?

The image seems clear - but can the noodly one have dangled an appendage over the wide brown land?

If any other pastafarians out there have any other sightings to report or even evidence of being visited we are keen to hear.