28 August 2007

Noodly invitation to Prime Minister John Howard

Regular followers of the Church of the FSM Australia know we take a deep and abiding interest in the place of religion in public life.

Building on our tireless efforts to promote the contribution of Pastafarianism to the Australian community, and following recent precedents, we have requested a meeting with our Prime Minister John Howard through the contact page of his official website. We also took the opportunity to suggest a humble addition to Australia's new citizenship test.

Here is our letter of request. We will keep you informed of the response from his office.


Subject: Request for meeting, citizenship suggestion

Dear Prime Minister
Greetings from the Australian Pastafarian community.

Your support for spiritual values in Australia is well known, as is your belief that religion forms a valuable base for our country's stability and future prosperity, not to mention the health and optimism of our youth.

We agree with you heartily, and to this end we are working to bring the blessings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to the people of this fine and noodly land. We proudly don our pirate costumes and say a mighty 'harrrr' to the brigands who founded this outpost of European seafaring adventures.

On behalf of the Australian Pastafarian community, my colleague Al Dente and I wish to request a meeting with you. Nothing political, we stress, and nothing to excite the interest of electoral authorities. Just a brief gathering to let you know you are much in our thoughts and - as the leader of our country - we wish you all the blessings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. At this stage in the electoral cycle, you may be grateful for the blessings of every deity you can muster.

If it would suit you better, we could host you at Durum Cathedral. We would be pleased to show you our plans for a Pastafarian Mental Health Facility, which may be a candidate for Commonwealth funding (following the appropriate guidelines for Commonwealth intervention, of course).

Naturally as the guest of the best-fed faith in Australia, you would not be disappointed by Pastafarian hospitality.

We understand you have recently met with other elect vessels from small but seemingly influential faith groups. We can assure you that we too are elect, if not elected, and as vessels we too are surely full of it.

Finally, on a related matter, we would humbly ask if you would consider adding an additional question to the new Australian Citizenship Test. As Minister Andrews so sagely noted: "Modern citizenship also rests on ... enduring attachment to what Australians hold in common." So we propose asking budding new citizens: What is Australia's national dish?

While we recognise it would be divisive to establish any one faith as a national religion, it would also be ignoring the truth of Australian cuisine not to ask new migrants to our shores what is considered our national dish when we break bread together. Our national dish has been acknowledged in many a survey of these matters.

The answer: Spaghetti Bolognese.

As Pastafarians, we are greatly pleased at another sign the FSM has blessed our nation with the touch of his noodly appendages.

We await your reply to our humble petitions, at your earliest convenience.

Yours in a creamy sauce

Pastor Len Guini


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At 9:54 pm, Blogger Jejune said...

Good luck getting an audience!

A friend of mine has started saying "Oh FSM!" instead of "Oh God!" on her blog - so word is spreading! Any other suggestions for Pastafarian curses? "Oh pasta!" perhaps? I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on the matter - if we're going to live our life around His Holy Noodleyness, we need appropriate swear words! LOL :)

At 6:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You scurvy landlubber! Swearing must be in Piratespeak to please the FSM.
Of course, the national dish has been changing over the years to a more Asian style - to wit, Asian fried noodles.

At 4:58 pm, Blogger Stephen said...

It's good to see the work of the great church is going forth all over the world. Keep it up.

At 6:23 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is probably the wrong place to ask, but does anybody know of a building pwned/run/rented by pastafarians in Australia?

A friend of mine wants a church wedding, without the christian overtones...

At 8:51 pm, Blogger Pastor Len Guini said...

Hello brother/sister Anon
We're not sure why it's the wrong place to ask, but we don't know of any buildings owned or rented by Pastafarians, or even pwned by us. If you count out Italian restaurants (bless them) and a few moderately maintained private homes (the less said about the vege patch the better).

Our cruel critics (and yes, there are some) have accused us of being a low rent religion, but I don't think that has anything to do with property market arrangements.

Durum Cathedral is a special place for Pastafarians, and dedicated to the worship of the most worshipful FSM. But, if we can reduce it to base secular terms for a moment, it's more of a cathedral of the mind.

If your friend wants a church wedding without the actual church, they could do worse than a garden. Think of all those branches and flowers as the Flying Spaghetti Monster reaching out his tentacles to stroke the happy couple with his noodly and most beneficient blessings. I think I'll pause now to meditate on that very thought.


At 10:12 pm, Blogger Mieow said...

um..on the wedding thing, does anyone know of any celebrants who would be willing to include some noodly goodness in a wedding ceremony?


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