07 March 2007

Pirate theology: Join the discussion

As you know, much of my day is divided between pastoral care among the ever-growing congreg-ation of Australian Pastafarians -- and theological reflection.

And make no mistake: there are some pressing theological questions we face, particularly for such a young (and flavoursome) faith.

Is dried pasta of equal spiritual worth as fresh pasta? What does the Flying Spaghetti Monster really think of gnocchi? And what are we to make of the gluten intolerant in our midst?

But these past weeks I have been much perplexed, and I am turning to you, the Australian Pastafarian community, for some suggestions.

As you know, we have irrefutable evidence that the decline in pirate numbers since the 1800s is to blame for global climate change. (You nay-sayers -- and inconceivably there are still some left -- can find all the evidence you need here.) Seen from this perspective, it becomes a sacred duty for Pastafarians to dress up as pirrrates, spreading the word about the FSM and saving the planet at the one time.

But, theologically speaking, this is a more complex issue than it appears, and I have been studying it closely.

Last month the venerable Sydney Morning Herald published a headline that made my heart jump (a sentence I would not often write). It read: "TV program delays 'turning viewers into pirates'."

It seemed the problem of global warming was solved! Television networks were delaying the broadcast of programs already seen overseas, forcing Australians to download them illegally from the Internet.

Technology lawyer and researcher Alex Malik said these "huge delays" were "turning Australians into pirates".

Could it really be true that we were becoming a nation of pirates? Could the FSM be nudging TV stations in this direction, all for the good of the planet? Was this the first good thing a commercial television station had ever done?

But here is the question I think we need to discuss fully among our creamy congregation: Can software pirates really be considered 'pirates', as we know them in the tenets of the Pastafarian faith?

Or are they perhaps a lesser group of pirates, having a small but still positive impact on global temperatures?

Or -- and I have not discounted this possibility altogether -- are they not 'true' pirates at all?

Please leave a comment and tell us what you think.

In the meantime, have no fear sisters and brothers, I continue to dress in full, traditional pirate garb. And you won't find me looking for The O.C. on the Internet. Harrrr that be neverrr the case.


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At 3:11 pm, Blogger Princess Leah said...

I think perhaps they are not pirates at all, sad to think I know, but consindering the weather lately this is all I can conclude, I don't know about you but here in west aus we've seen negative piratey give us 42 degrees heat for most of this week.

At 8:38 pm, Blogger Pastor Al Dente said...

Yaarrrr Pastor Len

You may have a (cutlass) point there me hearty, surely though you would need a really nice puffy shirt, some large gold jewellery and an eye patch to have even a small effect on global warming. Terminal acne and a DVD burner just don't match up to a 24 pounder cannon and a back full o' cat scars...?

RAmen let the debate continue

Pastor Al

At 11:00 am, Blogger Wench said...

"Is dried pasta of equal spiritual worth as fresh pasta? What does the Flying Spaghetti Monster really think of gnocchi? And what are we to make of the gluten intolerant in our midst?"
Is His Noodlyness ever sober enough to care?

At 10:37 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now, I wonder why that didn't work last time?
Ah well! Hi there! Linked to ths from Wench Nikkiee, and since the main site is down I am getting major withdrawals!
How are you all doing?
Nice to see you are doing his Noodly work!
I can now no longer remember what the thread was about - oops! Sorry, will comment about that next time!
Booty x

At 10:00 pm, Anonymous Red Beard with tinges of Grey said...

Arrgh me hearties.

Me be thinkin that software pirates are feared only on the "accountant-sea".

Most of them are sober (at the time), say "like whatever" and "duh" instead of "Arrgh" when engaged in piratical acts.

The only time that their swords are at hand is after they've "Pirated" some porn.

One hard working pirate offsets millions of tonnes of CO2 (and other greenhouse gases) annually, I think that software pirates offset a gram per year each. Sadly, it takes a billion software pirates to equate to one true pirates ecological efforts.

Slightly off topic.

Piracy and Rum drinking go hand in hand.

Why then are Rums allowed to be called things like "Bacardi" and "Bundi" instead of appropriate rum names like "Captain Morgans", "Bounty" and "Sailor Jerry". Maybe I need to write to Bundaberg Rum and ask them to change it's name to "Skullduggery Rum" or the like.

May the Sauce be with you

At 10:30 pm, Anonymous Mattabat said...

Arrr me mateys:
"What are we to make of the gluten intolerant in our midst?"
I am a gluten intolerant Pastafarian and I have found excellent gluten-free pastas available widely, either based on rice or maize, in which to commune with His Noodlyness.
I call on all Pastafarians to accept us wholeheartedly and to understand our only potential restriction is on parmasan cheese, which must be restricted among some of us (as the caesin in dairy products is physically similar to gluten).

I furthermore call upon all to accept software pirates, but only when they take cargo ships attempting to bring copies of Microsoft Windows to our shores. We should reach out to our fellow Indonesian pirating brethren and show them the honour bestowed upon us by His noodley appendage.


At 10:48 pm, Anonymous mattabat said...

One question you overlooked: is the beer volcano in Heaven producing gluten free beer? I say yea verily, me hearties, so be prepared to drink to your hearts content when the time comes..

At 9:29 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think that they are real pirates, otherwise the number of pirates probably would have gone up... You only need to go north to Asia (Thailand and Vietnam) to see that everyone is pirating movies and such.

At 10:58 am, Anonymous PYRETTE said...

software pirates are not true pirates. No cutlass, no ship, no cool threads, no parrots, and not even any real stealing. Its virtual stealing making them only virtual pirates.
Dont get me wrong i love illegal copies as much as anyone and salute our mighty IT allies with a large mug of rum and a loud "AAARGH"
but they aint pirates.


At 11:49 pm, Blogger Captn said...

I take yer words t'heart, me hearties.....fer I am a net Pirate (or Pyrate as some prefer...)and proud as rum punch....arrrr.
I wear "puffy" shirts, own two parrots, a Galah and a Monk parrot. I sail a virtual ship, to be sure, but it is still a ship. I own a cutlass, tho it be a short one, an' attached t'me car keys, so I call it a cut, an' if I run yer through with it enough, ye would be run through. I wear an eye patch, not from a battle injury, fair enough, but an eye patch from injury none the less. Tho it tends to make most fearful, so I mainly were sunglasses, the modern pirates trendy friend. I thoroughly enjoy rum, Bundy, Bacardi, Captain Morgan or otherwise, in fact as I type this, I am drinking an Island rum (cheap and nasty, the way they're meant to be). Whether ye like it or not, we are real pirates as we do steal items of value while ridin' the WWWaves, while most others here are mere pretenders wearin' costumes on I.T.L.A.P.D. and 'avin a larf while sayin arrrr an' Ramen. I take what I do serious, just as Calico an' Morgan did back in th'day. I know my 'istory an I know me articles an live by em. I speak as I do now in almost all facets of m' life, an 'ave honour as a true pirate had, does an' should. Tho I may not match up to th'pirates of old, neither do you, so I challenge....who's not the real pirate?
If ye want t'be a pirate come see me at ipirate.co.nr an' we'll 'discuss' this further....

Ramen an' may the Sauce be with ye, whether ye want it or not.

Captn Coala.

At 5:04 am, Anonymous Shiv said...

In my opinion (being a former software pirate until my downloading software broke)
Software pirates are the pirates of the internet, sailing the seven (downloading) sites, mouse and keyboard in hand, fighting against tyranny and corruption of the government like the pirates before us. In their small one-man craft (the office chair) they have honour like the pirate saints before.


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