25 July 2006

FSM - You know it makes Census

A special announcement

Two upcoming events in Australia are certain to catapult the Pastafarian faith into the nation's consciousness -- the 2006 Census on 8 August and International Talk Like a Pirate Day on 19 September. And we can feel the growing excitement in the Australian Pastafarian community.

Our very own Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is calling on Australians to feel the touch of His Noodly Appendage -- to stand up and be counted, and perhaps be sprinkled with a little parmesan.

Now this may sound a bit strange if you haven't yet seen His Noodly Face, so perhaps some background is needed. Please read on.

Pastafarians believe the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Throughout history, he has gently intervened with His Noodly Appendage, changing the laws of science and confusing our efforts to explain the world. Now we know the truth, we are determined to teach it -- on the Internet, on the streets, in our schools.

And did you know that NO-ONE has proven that the Flying Spaghetti Monster did NOT create the universe? The evidence is clearly mounting.

If you can feel the water of your faith gently coming to the boil, please see:
-- the official church website at: www.venganza.org/, and
-- the Australian Church of the FSM at: www.noodlynation.blogspot.com.

FSM makes complete Census
The 2006 Census will be conducted on Tuesday 8 August, when every Australian will be counted and asked to record where they live, what they do -- and what they believe.

The Australian Church of the FSM is appealing to all people who share our faith to record their religion as 'Pastafarian' on the Census.

As the Australian Bureau of Statistics notes on their website:

"Church and religious organisations depend on the Census for information about how many people of their religion there are in different parts of Australia. They and others use the information to assess the need for religiously based schools, hospitals, community services and homes for the elderly."

With the phenomenal growth in Pastafarianism in Australia, it is now time for us to stand up for our faith. (We see a need for the Flying Spaghetti Monster Hospital even now...)

Please note that some scoundrels asked Australians to answer their religion as "Jedi" in the 2001 Census. Our call is not such a prank. We are not asking people to record a false and misleading faith such as Jedi, we are asking people to be proud of the truth and call themselves Pastafarian.

Arrrr what a beautiful day
We are also pleased to announce that Tuesday 19 September is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, a holy day for Pastafarians everywhere.

Pastafarians know that the disasters of global warming have been directly caused by the decline in the number of pirates in the world since the 1800s (see the official FSM website for the overwhelming evidence).

This is why we are called to teach our beliefs while wearing full pirate regalia.

So, me hearties, on 19 September it's time to turn back the scurvy dogs of drought and cyclone that plague our fair ship. Hoist the Jolly Roger, brandish your cutlass and stand by to repel boarders. And mateys, for one day at least, Talk Like a Pirate.

Arrrrr, that feels good!


Pastor Len Guini & Pastor Al Dente
Church of the FSM Australia

04 July 2006

Hollywood assault on global warming

Excitement is growing in the Australian Pastafarian community with this week's release of the movie Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Devout Pastafarians - easily recognised by our eye-patches, swords and gratuitous use of "aarrrr" in conversation - know that pirates are central to a rational understanding of the greatest threat to our environment. Or, rather, it is the sad lack of pirates that is to blame for the steady rise in global temperatures.

FSM scholars have documented the fact that global warming and associated calamities of the natural world are a direct result of the decline in the numbers of pirates since the 1800s.

So anything that raises the profile of pirates in the 21st century - indeed, anything that promotes the pirate lifestyle - can only be good for our blighted planet.

In fact, the very existence of such a pirate movie at this critical juncture may be part of His creamy, delicious plan. Consider this: the character of Captain Jack is clearly a disguised reference to His Noodlyness. All those chaotic dreadlocks bear more than a passing resemblance to His Appendages. Bobbing dreadlocks -- squiggly noodles, the one evokes images of the other (albeit with allowance for differences in personal hygeine).

I have two theories as to how this pleasing resonance came about in the movie:
(1) Johnny Depp is a secret acolyte of Pastafarianism, or
(2) The Flying Spaghetti Monster nudged the talented chap to choose dreadlocks for his character, to give us another Sign.

Perhaps the faithful can take this Sign as a topic for Study and Reflection and let us know your thoughts?

I think you will agree only the irrational would argue there is no connection.